(Scroll me!)Hi everybody! New month new page! Very good timing bc the last one was getting very full ha. I went to the GP yesterday bc I needed an appointment about a form I asked them to fill in. 2 minute conversation saying they've filled the form in and actually added my diagnoses to the file and then I didn't even get the form back. Could've been a phone call. I helped out at my college open day today. I talked to the kids. Big win. Secondary school kids scare the hell out of me because when I was at secondary school I was subject to torture techniques they didn't even know at Guantanamo Bay. So its a very good thing that I'm getting better in that way. I mean I couldn't talk for most of it. But I did! At times! GOOD!!!!! I stopped at Oxfam the other day and got a nice cat scarf. I might be going to Blackpool next week. Thats all thats going on in my life. I'm writing an essay on pretentiousness and working class identity for this blog so WATCH THIS SPACE!

---

Hello friends. I have an announcement. For the duration that I have had this blog I have been going by the pseudonym of Frances as that is my confirmation name. I said to myself that I used a pseudonym to maintain an anonymous profile on the interweb. But in reality it was probs because I have been ashamed to live freely and needed to justify it with a pseudonym. I'm trying to consciously reject shame and self hatred and am trying to embrace being uncool and cringe and accepting myself. And I think that dropping the pseudonym is a big step towards uniting all these parts of myself. So reintroducing myself, HI EVERYBODY! My name is Liz. If I knew I had to do a dramatic name reveal I would have chose a less cool sounding pseudonym but WHATEVER it makes sense to reject this cool sounding name to be real and uncool and cringe but free. Thats all I have to say today I haven't done anything really lately besides walk my dogs. I've been obsessed with Imperial Bedroom by Elvis Costello. I think I need to read the Bret Easton Ellis novel of the same title which I believe is a sequel to Less Than Zero. Anyway see u another day!

---

HI AGAIN!!!! I've had the best 5 days in the history of earth so sorry that I haven't been active. On Sunday I watched A Streetcar Named Desire at the cinema. Waow. Blowed my socks off. On Monday I read the play haha. I'm not going to share my thoughts on it for now because I'm formulating an essay. Because I just have that many thoughts about it that I need more characters haha. On Tuesday I went into college to help on the open day again. It was so good. My old RE teacher was there and she was so nice to me and kept saying how brave I was, I was tearing up girls. I also saw my counsellor for the LAST TIME EVER :-( and had lunch with her. I'm going to miss her a lot because she has really helped me to start this whole journey of getting better with my selective mutism and she was just so nice to me like another level of nice like she gave me a bunch of her old CDs thats so so nice. I then went to Blackpool and went to the Pleasure Beach on Wednesday. It was very fun thats all I have to say ha. Then went to the zoo today (Thursday) and also wrote a little thing about my experiences w counselling for my counsellor. It boxed everything up and put a nice little ribbon on it for me I have closure and I'm so damn happy girls. My Felt CD also arrived and I'm so happy about that too. I'm just so happy with everything I'm crying writing this ha. Thats all I have to say have hope girls because my robins have come and I know there is so much love in this world

---

It's been a week girls sorryyyyy. I have spent this week writing all of my thoughs on Streetcar down, which you can read here. That's kind of all I've been doing in life generally because I've been very autistic about Tennessee Williams. I bought a collection of his plays so now that I've squeezed all the juice out of Streetcar I might dabble my toes into another one. I listened to my CD of Ignite the Seven Cannons by Felt the other day and damn its such a great album and it really communicates the divine just GODDDDD its so beautiful. I've listened to quite a few albums recently but that one just really blows my socks off everybody needs to go listen to it now. I watched A Clockwork Orange and it was alright but I think I'd need to read the book to really get it. I left the house today. Yay. I walked around and went to my local park and just sat on a bench and read for like an hour. It was right next to a river and it was nice sitting there reading listening to the river rushing (I can't lie I was listening to Orbital which many would say spoils the nature but electronic music is very beautiful in my eyes and I also just don't like sitting in silence #autism). This is a big step for me bc I don't leave the house too much, I was an agoraphobic teenager and never really grew out of it that much. Like I go to the cinema but that's it really. Hopefully I'll be able to do this more and for longer and it'll become more natural to me and I'll become more confident. On the note of exposure, I got an interview for Oxfam so u girls had BETTER pray I get it because it would be so valuable to me. That's all I really have to say. Bye for now

Return home